Chronicles of NERV Intelligence Division: "Loser"
by The Shadowy Eva
Summary: The Chronicles characters, NERV staff, and Eva pilots sing Beck's "Loser." Please R&R.


A/N – This is the product of a 3 AM boredom attack, well, and too much Beck. Meh, whatcha gonna do? Anyway, the song is Loser, by Beck. I'm using the "Chronicles" characters along with the pilots and "upper management". Excuse any spelling errors, it's late. Enjoy!

Disclaimer – EVA is not mine, Stefan Findlay, Patrick Anderson, and all MY characters are MINE! Also, I don't own Beck, or hold copyrights on their songs. There, I'm done.

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Beck - Loser

Lieutenant Anderson stands alone in a darkened room, a single lamp above him reveals him holding an acoustic guitar. With a glass slide on his finger, he begins playing what sounds like a country song.

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Start song

Maya Ibuki appears behind him, playing on a trap set in time to his guitar.

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Drum joins

Rei appears beside him, a bass guitar in her hands. She begins to play a bass line along with Maya and the officer.

****

Bass joins

After a few bars, only Anderson is still playing.

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Bass & Drums drop out

Then, everything stops as Shinji Ikari is seen with a mic in his hand, Captain Findlay beside him playing a sitar.

****

Acoustic stops, Lyrics start, Sitar starts, Drums Restart, First verse

Shinji begins to sing:

"In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey

Butane in my veins so I'm out to cut the junkie

With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables

Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose"

Asuka appears with an ESP Explorer electric guitar next to Maya. Rei starts to play again.

****

Distorted guitar chord & Bass line join

"Kill the headlights and put it in neutral

Stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control

Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D

Got a couple of couches, sleep on the love-seat"

Anderson begins to play again.

****

Acoustic joins

"Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain

About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt

Don't believe everything that you breathe

You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve"

Everyone except Patrick and Maya stop playing

****

Drums and Acoustic only

"So shave your face with some mace in the dark

Savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park…

Yo

Cut it"

Anderson stops, Maya only plays on her Hi-Hat. (For those of you that don't know, it's the one that you can change with your foot)

****

Hi-Hat only

Everyone starts playing again, except poor Asuka, who stands there. All the guys have mics in front of them

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Chorus begins, Group singing

Group:

"Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser, baby

So why don't you kill me"

Shinji:

"Double barrel buckshot!"

Group:

"Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser, baby

So why don't you kill me"

Everyone except for Maya and Rei stop playing. Sub-Commander Fuyutski steps up in Shinji's place. All the lights come on, revealing they are in Dogma with the 500 Rei clones.

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Drums and Bass Only, Second verse

"Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare

Banned all the music with a phony gas chamber

'Cuz one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag

One's on the pole, shove the other in a bag"

Anderson starts playing again, beginning to walk around the room.

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Acoustic joins

"With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose-job

The daytime crap of the folksinger slop

He hung himself with a guitar string

Slap the turkey-neck and it's hangin' from a pigeon wing"

Everyone stops playing again, except for Maya and Asuka, who grins because it's her turn again.

****

Drums and Electric only

"You can't write if you can't relate

Trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate

And my time is a piece of wax fallin' on a termite

Who's chokin' on the splinters"

Maya plays on her hi-hat again, and Asuka pouts, crossing her arms over her chest.

****

Hi-Hat only

The group starts to play again, except Asuka. The 500 clones begin to sing.

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Chorus

500 Rei clones:

"Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser, baby

So why don't you kill me"

Fuyutski:

"Get crazy with the cheese whiz!"

500 Rei clones:

"Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser, baby

So why don't you kill me"

A man sitting behind a desk, Commander Gendo Ikari, rises out of the floor in front of the others. He reaches down and presses a button, causing two turntables to flip out of the desk. Everyone stops and stares at him as he plays with one of the records, creating a beat.

****

Turntable beat only

Fuyutski:

"Drive by body piercing"

Every one stops what they're doing, turning to look at Maya, who is totally oblivious to the others.

****

Drums only

Fuyutski:

"Yo bring it on down"

The man behind the desk spins one of the records slowly.

Record:

"Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooyyyyyyyyyy"

He runs the record in reverse. Anderson plays again.

****

Chorus backwards, Acoustic guitar

A few bars into the backwards verse, Asuka, who has become perturbed by not being able to play, fiddles around with the same guitar line as before. Little does she know her volume was still on.

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Elec. Guitar joins

Rei and Captain Findlay begin playing again.

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Sitar and Bass join

A young male, dressed like Shinji steps up in the sub-commanders place. He holds the mic like a girl.

****

Echoed words

Kowaru:

"I'm a driver, I'm the winner

Things are gonna change I can feel it"

Commander Ikari plays with his record again, repeating the beat from before.

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Record beat

Everyone except Asuka starts playing again, all of them singing, including the 500 clones and Commander Ikari

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Chorus

Everyone:

"Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser, baby

So why don't you kill me"

Shinji:

"I can't believe you!"

Everyone:

"Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser, baby

So why don't you kill me"

Fuyutski groans.

Everyone:

"Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser, baby

So why don't you kill me"

Asuka:

"Sprechen sie Deutches, baby?"

Everyone:

"Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser, baby

So why don't you kill me"

Kaworu:

"Know what I'm sayin'?"

Asuka finally gets fed up and starts blasting random chords. But it's too late.

****

Distorted guitar chords, Song fades

All the lights turn off.

THE END

A/N – Okay, that's it. That's the whole thing. See what a little boredom can do to a person? Well, anyway. Please review! Chapter 3 of "Chronicles" will be up soon, promise! - TSE


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